Tuesday, September 15, 2009
havent posted in eons..wad can i say. i post whenever i have sum si. n today is ===> fellowship! umm i think it improved already la..but still with some ppl. its like. umm...i just feel left out la. like i was close 2 overcoming the "dislike" but then when they left me out..being all secretive n not telling me stuff..im just like, i dun wanna say anything anyore..n yeah. i mean...feels like they're being insensitive to me..i dunnnoooo...
it just shows that im a failure kinda..cant be "close" frens with them but then again, u just cant be "close" frens with ANYBODY right? they might not accept u even tho u've finally accepted them..
ok gtg class...in summary- who knows wad will happen. i guess dont let these lil things get in the way of serving n fellowshipping? focus : the fellowship is God's n FOR God. so...FOCUS effie
it just shows that im a failure kinda..cant be "close" frens with them but then again, u just cant be "close" frens with ANYBODY right? they might not accept u even tho u've finally accepted them..
ok gtg class...in summary- who knows wad will happen. i guess dont let these lil things get in the way of serving n fellowshipping? focus : the fellowship is God's n FOR God. so...FOCUS effie
Saturday, April 11, 2009
I just found out something else about myself...
I dont like to face reality
maybe its not true but thats wad I think for now...not even daring to write on other's wall...cuz then i wouldnt where to start. do I even have to right to talk to them. kinda. isolated without even knowing. is it cuz im dating? or is it cuz thats me? lazy to make connections? too "ma fan" too sad? scared to be disappointed by how outdated i am. how much I actualli wanna know what's going on but not going to try..why. i rather be "cool" n leave it alone. which is i dunno..
so yeah. I hope I wont send too much negetive vibes. OH, n i realized how much I care abt how other ppl think of me. n now. i think ppl think me negetively. so generally , when i think ppl dont like me, I wont like them.
when I think they have something against me n try not to understand why I would say or do something so ridiculous, I rather stay away from them.
God, make me what you want me to be. sometimes, I really dislike myself 0_0
I dont like to face reality
maybe its not true but thats wad I think for now...not even daring to write on other's wall...cuz then i wouldnt where to start. do I even have to right to talk to them. kinda. isolated without even knowing. is it cuz im dating? or is it cuz thats me? lazy to make connections? too "ma fan" too sad? scared to be disappointed by how outdated i am. how much I actualli wanna know what's going on but not going to try..why. i rather be "cool" n leave it alone. which is i dunno..
so yeah. I hope I wont send too much negetive vibes. OH, n i realized how much I care abt how other ppl think of me. n now. i think ppl think me negetively. so generally , when i think ppl dont like me, I wont like them.
when I think they have something against me n try not to understand why I would say or do something so ridiculous, I rather stay away from them.
God, make me what you want me to be. sometimes, I really dislike myself 0_0
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Effie is 20 yrs old. As of now, she realizes..the MOST IMPORTANT and the ppl she loves the most in her life are..
:) Mom n Dad
:) My Fav Sister in the entire world : Eden
:) My Best Friend : Cece
:) My Lover : David
hehe thank you Lord for them. without them, I would be lost. with super low self confidence n no ability to express myself. My parents always supporting me. My sister understands me like no one ever will. My best friend being always there encouraging me. My lover sacrifacing so much for me.
:))) I love u guys so so much! thanks Lord. There is your love and a lil Jesus in Every One of them. That's you beside me on earth.
:) Mom n Dad
:) My Fav Sister in the entire world : Eden
:) My Best Friend : Cece
:) My Lover : David
hehe thank you Lord for them. without them, I would be lost. with super low self confidence n no ability to express myself. My parents always supporting me. My sister understands me like no one ever will. My best friend being always there encouraging me. My lover sacrifacing so much for me.
:))) I love u guys so so much! thanks Lord. There is your love and a lil Jesus in Every One of them. That's you beside me on earth.
Thursday, November 06, 2008
so yes. 1.5+ hours b4 my biochem midterm n im blogging. why? cuz i realli need to get this off my mind so that I can concentrate on my exam n tomro's exam which im pretty much screwed for. ai. life oh life. so hard. i feel like a failure once more. haha why do i always seem to type that? >< maybe i have too high expectations for myself when i actually is that sucky..so i was just wondering. is it just me being a failure or is it actually hard to balance life once u have a boyfriend? to be honest. its so sad that everytime i spent time with him. i dun feel like anyone is approving it. or maybe its just cause. like someone is upset? im prolli too sensitive about it. but like she said. i shouldnt blame it on any one else, just like i am on my bf now. more like. its our problem. so i guess its back to the i cant balance my life with by bff during Uni life. why's that? here's a list of reasons or excuses u may call them
-school work
- bfs
- different classes, diff facualty
- diff jobs
- diff friends, too many friends. not me of course haha
- diff fellowship, sunday school
i think thats enough. one week is 7 days. 5 days is school. nv see each other at any classes. busy with school/other friends during spare time. bf and family fills up all spare time. other times, working. not school or work, then church commitments. no more the same fellowship hence, different friends. different agenda. different life. so how MUCH can u fit in a week? how MUCH can u fit in ur life? balancing it is definetly harder than it seems. when its hard to find much that ur in common with :( which sucks. cuz its not like u can realli control it. eg. classes. i guess there are definetly stuff u can control. for eg. frens. i can try to fren ur frens. etc. but why force urself to their circle? i dunno. its just so hard. hopefully we can think of a solution. all i can can think of it to....call each other twice a week? meeting up is hard. i dunno if that'll work. cuz honestly. its hard to update everiting. n then, it starts to surface itself n u forget all the details. n u're not included in each one's agenda. which is difficult. perhaps. care less? perhaps. just accept it?
n then, there's someone saying "its not that u dont have time, its that u dont make time" boom. now what. its priorities. changing. is hard. i feel so weak n tired that everithing i feel is "hard", i cant accomplish now.
life. is too much. so much in the sense that I cant realli take it animore. which is when, i kinda stop making friends. i have enough to deal with :(
maybe it'll be alright. maybe we'll find a way to deal with it. i hope i'll just grow up one day.
-school work
- bfs
- different classes, diff facualty
- diff jobs
- diff friends, too many friends. not me of course haha
- diff fellowship, sunday school
i think thats enough. one week is 7 days. 5 days is school. nv see each other at any classes. busy with school/other friends during spare time. bf and family fills up all spare time. other times, working. not school or work, then church commitments. no more the same fellowship hence, different friends. different agenda. different life. so how MUCH can u fit in a week? how MUCH can u fit in ur life? balancing it is definetly harder than it seems. when its hard to find much that ur in common with :( which sucks. cuz its not like u can realli control it. eg. classes. i guess there are definetly stuff u can control. for eg. frens. i can try to fren ur frens. etc. but why force urself to their circle? i dunno. its just so hard. hopefully we can think of a solution. all i can can think of it to....call each other twice a week? meeting up is hard. i dunno if that'll work. cuz honestly. its hard to update everiting. n then, it starts to surface itself n u forget all the details. n u're not included in each one's agenda. which is difficult. perhaps. care less? perhaps. just accept it?
n then, there's someone saying "its not that u dont have time, its that u dont make time" boom. now what. its priorities. changing. is hard. i feel so weak n tired that everithing i feel is "hard", i cant accomplish now.
life. is too much. so much in the sense that I cant realli take it animore. which is when, i kinda stop making friends. i have enough to deal with :(
maybe it'll be alright. maybe we'll find a way to deal with it. i hope i'll just grow up one day.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
ever seen a stranger over n over again then just randomly decide that u dont like her/him? haha. its quite terrible but that happens. for some reason. maybe cuz u just observe these few stuff n those u gather then assume these ____ facts which just add up to-> i dont like her/him. haha sigh. but anyways. so yes. i get jealous. n yes, i dislike facebook. haha im glad i stop using it unless its to wish ppl happi birthday or talk to my long away friends. sigh. so anyways, im just upset (kinda) cuz yea. dont realli wanna admit it. but wadever. its just to put it in words so as not compare/name anyone else but myself. i feel like a failure. yea. i find having friends a very tiring thing to do. becuz i want to be able to make real friends. so its like, if I wont be able to treat u well, make time for u etc. i wouldnt try to spend too much time to get to know u. its like. if u get along well, but i nv have time for u or be ABLE to spend the time that i actually WANT to spend with u. then why? i mean, i've had enough bad experience to have a "yum ying" on the whole friendship issue. relationships. i dont wanna build surface ones. i guess its a stupid way of thinking. but i guess that's just me. that's my environment n that's my way of life. I hope i wont regret this.
for now, i just wanna keep those that I treasure. n not lose anione :(
for now, i just wanna keep those that I treasure. n not lose anione :(
Sunday, October 12, 2008
besides that rampage. i can say how stressed life is again. thats right. 3rd yr uni full of stress as per usual n yeah. it was a good birthday.
Everione has the right to decide wad they believe in. how they interpret the truth. so yes. i will not be bothered and waste time trying to make others understand why I believe in that but just know its right before God n I know its fine. its ok that its hard to persuade such grey issues. i mean everione can decide for themselves. just remember not to judge them or to say theyre wrong. becua we all have our views. so lets just respect each others views in a positive manner n not make a big deal out of it. right effie?
Right. I believe in myself.
Right. I believe in myself.
Friday, June 06, 2008
yea. so i haven typed in here for about wad - 10 months? crazy long. but im just typing in here now cuz im pretty frustrated n upset abt something. not someone, but something. how THINGS happen. obviousli caused by decisions of SomeONESss. but wadver. so my sister n her (ex) bf broke up like wad. 2 months ago. n now her ex is going out with my good friend. i KNOW ppl get over ppl, ppl are allowed to go with whoever they like. etc. n i have NO part in this ENTIRE relationship, BUT. im greatly affected. i dunno why im making such a big deal out of this but its just making me very uncomfortable n now i dont feel like talking to either that guy or my good fren.
i mean. yes, its my sister that broke up with him. n yes, im GLAD, realli am, that the guy is over her, n happi that my fren has a bf. BUT this is all happening WAY too fast for me a accept. even tho my sister doesnt like him in that sense animore, i still feel he should take a longer "break" b4 starting with my fren. i guess i cant say that they're making a bad decision but i just realli disagree with it. n who the heck CARES if i disagree or not right? maybe im just "jealous" for my sister. maybe i just wished they would somehow get back together. honestly speaking, i have been trying to keep their relationship together since a long time. i guess alreadi sounds like a problem there. maybe i should have just let it break since 2 yrs ago when eden first doubted. haha. that would have made things easier. i guess the fact that i HAVE been encouraging her to keep going with him the whole time made ME feel like they SHOULD be together. which is realli bad. cuz again. im NOT the one in this relationship. aniways. i shdnt be so annoying.
but the truth is, i feel mad at the guy becuz. well, not realli. im not mad at him.
im actualli more mad at my fren. bcuz even tho they SAID they wont go out till 3 months later, they still did. the NEXT DAY. first of all. like wad the heck. they FACT that they had something for each other alreadi was hard to accept. n now, ur GOING out. ok. n i know, i told her that my sister realli wont like him animore n she'll be happi for u blah blah blah. but just THINKING. dont u think its a sign of respect for her that u wait? thats prolli why i feel mad at her. n its HER. MY FRIEND. n GOOD FRIEND. cant WAIT? i feel like she's just rushing into a relationship cuz its laid out all nicely in front of her n not thinking abt the whole thing carefully. respect for eden? respect for me? respect for the guy? like maybe u dont like thinking so much b4 a decision. but. isnt waiting better for EVERIONE? even for the relationship? i know i have NO SAY in this entire thing. n how could i judge it? different ppl = diff character= diff view= diff ways of dating etc.
so who am I to judge? im not saying she's wrong. but i just cant accept this right now from my standpoint. im sorry i may shun u for a while. but dear friend, it feel rudes that u are doing this to my sister.
i mean. yes, its my sister that broke up with him. n yes, im GLAD, realli am, that the guy is over her, n happi that my fren has a bf. BUT this is all happening WAY too fast for me a accept. even tho my sister doesnt like him in that sense animore, i still feel he should take a longer "break" b4 starting with my fren. i guess i cant say that they're making a bad decision but i just realli disagree with it. n who the heck CARES if i disagree or not right? maybe im just "jealous" for my sister. maybe i just wished they would somehow get back together. honestly speaking, i have been trying to keep their relationship together since a long time. i guess alreadi sounds like a problem there. maybe i should have just let it break since 2 yrs ago when eden first doubted. haha. that would have made things easier. i guess the fact that i HAVE been encouraging her to keep going with him the whole time made ME feel like they SHOULD be together. which is realli bad. cuz again. im NOT the one in this relationship. aniways. i shdnt be so annoying.
but the truth is, i feel mad at the guy becuz. well, not realli. im not mad at him.
im actualli more mad at my fren. bcuz even tho they SAID they wont go out till 3 months later, they still did. the NEXT DAY. first of all. like wad the heck. they FACT that they had something for each other alreadi was hard to accept. n now, ur GOING out. ok. n i know, i told her that my sister realli wont like him animore n she'll be happi for u blah blah blah. but just THINKING. dont u think its a sign of respect for her that u wait? thats prolli why i feel mad at her. n its HER. MY FRIEND. n GOOD FRIEND. cant WAIT? i feel like she's just rushing into a relationship cuz its laid out all nicely in front of her n not thinking abt the whole thing carefully. respect for eden? respect for me? respect for the guy? like maybe u dont like thinking so much b4 a decision. but. isnt waiting better for EVERIONE? even for the relationship? i know i have NO SAY in this entire thing. n how could i judge it? different ppl = diff character= diff view= diff ways of dating etc.
so who am I to judge? im not saying she's wrong. but i just cant accept this right now from my standpoint. im sorry i may shun u for a while. but dear friend, it feel rudes that u are doing this to my sister.
